about me

Practically imperfect in every way. Start with a lot of silliness. Mix in some insecurities and a handful of awkwardness. Add a pound of naivety, innocence, and child-like wonderings. Blend well. Half-bake and top off with a sprinkle of imagination and dollop of dreams. It’s the recipe for me!

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quote of the day

  • "Moral of the story: Do not look at the gap. The gap is the mind-killer. Remember how Wile E. Coyote never fell down until he saw the chasm? It’s just like that." --Taylor "Tei" Lindstrom, Rogue Ink

dumbass quote

  • "I think we have come to find out that the Education system, run by Liberal Hippies that really couldn't find any other job that allowed them so much time off, the ability to do drugs, and to spout their rhetoric is alive and well. It is teaching out kids things like 'Abortion is Good,' 'Government is Bad.' We have educators that, for the most part, don't teach to the subject, they teach to their beliefs. It is really sad, and even sadder when you see highly intelligent children buying into it." --Kelli

kids say...

  • Jacob: "I need to operate on my frog, but first he needs some amnesia."

copyright

Copyright © 2004-2004 Kerrie Lee. All rights reserved.

My Fraud Complex

June 15, 2004

I’ve pursued a degree in art more times than I can count. I’ve tried both graphic art and fine art. I’ve studied at both the community college and the university level. Each time ends up the same way. Though my works are often highly appraised, I never believe they deserve it. I start to compare my works to the works of other students in class. The true artists. That’s where my self-defeating attitude kicks in. I know my talent isn’t good enough to earn such high grades, so I figure there can only be two possible explanations as to why my projects receive the praise that they do. It’s either a) the professor and other students feel sorry for my obvious lack of talent and want to reward me for my effort. Or it’s b) the project is really pretty good, but it was pure luck and not talent that made it good.

As I get older, I find that I feel more like it’s luck rather than pity that earns me the praise. I call it my “Fraud Complex.” That’s fraud not Freud. Basically, I feel like everyone sees one or two really great projects and thinks that I have talent, when in fact, I am only pretending to know what I’m doing. I just know that someone will eventually find out the truth and realize that I have no talent and no ability.

I discussed this fear with one of my art professors one year. He told me that many artists have an instinctive sense of composition, and that’s why they are able to produce good results with little conscious effort. It makes sense, and it helped ease my mind for the time being, but I’m not sure I completely buy it.

Whether luck or talent, I’m satisfied for the moment just to be creating art full time.

CATEGORY: Creativity

2 Responses to “My Fraud Complex”

  1. Broccoli Guy Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 2:12 pm

    Hey that’s kinda like me. People think I’m this ubber-genius of a software enginner at work. But everyday I worry that people will find out that I just surf the net (obviously) and I just keep hitting homeruns by conincidence. I mean it doesn’t feel that I knew I was gonna do a good job but you know what it turns out pretty nice afterall.

    I just came up with “talent fraud” yesterday. :)

  2. Whimsy Chick Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 5:33 pm

    It doesn’t help me that I can’t glance up to a spot above my computer and smile longingly at my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree hanging above my desk. Why? I still haven’t achieved that gratifying little piece of paper. It’s not that I don’t have enough credits under my belt, believe me. The problem is two-fold. One is that I have classes going towards several different majors. The second is that I moved into a new house last year, which required me to transfer to a university closer to my new home. So my computer science, elementary education, and earth science classes count very little toward my degree. My last major was Anthropology. I think I have about 8 classes left to get my BFA. I’d give away the ending, but I’m not sure how it will end myself.

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about this blog

It’s the spark of an idea that hits me unexpectedly. It’s the silly wonderings I have after a whirlwind of thoughts. It’s about creativity, inspiration, and imagination. But sometimes, it’s just about eating noodles.

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