I had a friend visiting from out of town last week and he asked to see the Mega 80s since I’m always raving about just how great they are. So I took him on Friday and I asked him what he thought. He agreed. They really are THAT GOOD.

On Saturday, I had a surprise birthday party for a friend of my parents. Naturally, I thought of Lamoon Soaps as a perfect gift. I ordered a gift basket with a nice assortment of soaps, and was happily surprised when Gloria included a hand-crocheted hemp washcloth. I was thrilled to have such a nice gift, but I was also a bit jealous. I wanted to keep it for myself! If you’re looking for a really nice gift, please please please check out Gloria’s line of soaps. Do it not because she’s a friend of mine, but because her soaps really are THAT GOOD.

The bust is slowing taking the shape of a human, or at least a humanoid type creature. This first picture was taken after working on it today for an hour and a half. It’s not clear from the angle of the picture, but I worked mostly on making the neck better. However, you might notice the face has slimmed down a bit from where it was on Monday.

This is another hour’s worth of work. Obviously, the most noticable change is that the head has a top now. I also worked a bit more on the neck (mostly in the back) and the face has slimmed down even more than in the last photo. I think the eyes might be too high still, but I’ll do some more checking on Monday before I get started again. The head is also positioned forward more than I’d like, so I am considering some pretty major “surgery” to correct it.

Coming soon… ears, hair, and finishing those eyes!

I bet you thought I would forget to take these pics, or at least come up with some really nifty excuse, huh? Well, surprise, surprise, I have the pics. You’ll notice some things that aren’t quite perfect, but perfection is not the goal here. It is supposed to be a likeness.

This pic is where I left off last week. I’m actually ahead of the rest of the class for this project, so I get a lot of people asking for advice. I have no advice! I got really lucky when the clay just sorta did its own thing, and I was smart enough to recognize it. I’m not sure you can tell from the picture, but the shoulders and clavicles are pretty darn good. Okay, so my boobs aren’t quite that big, but it’s my first attempt. Give me a break.

[This used to be a picture of the same sculpture as below but without a head. Somehow, the picture has gone missing.]

This next picture was taken after I had worked on it for about an hour. You can see that it’s a very slow process. I took this picture before I began working on the face because I was certain that once I began the face, I would ruin it.

This is the last picture I took after another three hours of work. Yes, three hours. You can see that I still have a lot of work to do on the face. The mouth is just about right now, I think. The nose isn’t quite right yet, but I think it will become more obvious what needs to be changed once I get the eyes finished. That eye there on the right is pretty good, but I think it’s up too high. Which really kills me, since I think the eye is pretty good. I think it looks like me a bit. It looks really old though, don’t you think?

Also, the neck is too long. I knew the neck was too long before I began on the head. I asked my professor about it (while there was time to “correct” it) and she told me that sometimes a distortion like that is a good thing. She suggested I leave it long. She even referenced the Nefertiti bust with the very long neck as an example of how a distortion can work for a piece.

There are other noticable distortions, but overall, I feel pretty good about the project so far. I expect that the entire class period on Wednesday will be used up on the face. Stay tuned for more pics on Wednesday.

My current project in my ceramics class is a full sized self-portrait bust. At first, I wasn’t thrilled about the assignment. In fact, I was worse than “not thrilled.” I’ve been whining about the assignment for the past couple of weeks to anyone who will listen. I didn’t feel I had the necessary skills to pull it off. But I have to say that now that I’ve gotten started on the project, I’m starting to enjoy it. I don’t know if it will end up looking like me, but so far it looks human. I have the neck and shoulders finished. Next up, is the head. (We build in bands from the bottom up, so the head is the last thing we do.)

If I remember, I’ll try to get a couple of pictures of it next Monday in class.

I’ve mentioned a few times how I have difficulty believing in my abilities as an artist. I often wonder if people don’t take me seriously because I don’t take myself seriously, or vice versa. It’s that whole “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” thing. When I started my first business back in 1997, a friend of my mom’s was starting her own business too. My mom kept talking about Hazel and Hazel’s business and how great Hazel’s business was doing. Hazel, Hazel, Hazel. My mom spent a lot of time helping Hazel set up her office and get new clients.

When I set up my office, I did it alone. When I held my grand opening, none of my family came to offer support. I don’t expect a lot from people, so it didn’t bother me that they didn’t come. It did bother me that Hazel’s business was treated as something worthy of attention and my business was treated as another one of Kerrie’s silly little hobbies.

I talked to my mom last night and told her that my website was nearly ready. She gave me my little pat on the head and then told me about her friend Julie who took a jewelry class. Wanting to sound important, I interrupted her. “Was it a jewelry class, or a beading class? They are different.” It turns out, it was a beading class. In the class, the students learned about a new “clay” like substance that can be used to make metal beads. I was already very familiar with the “clay.” It’s called precious metal clay or PMC. My mom seemed a little surprised that I knew what it was.

At some point, the conversation turned from PMC to Julie’s friend who makes jewelry and has her own website. Imagine that. A woman who makes jewelry by hand and sells it on the internet. What a concept. I admit, I was slightly annoyed. I jumped in the conversation and tried to talk up my jewelry design and my website like it was real. She didn’t seem very impressed, but she told me she might take a look at it sometime.

Today I find myself rethinking my plans. I had intended to publish the new site tonight or tomorrow. Now I’m not so sure. I know I don’t have many designs right now. I guess part of me is embarrassed by that. It would be easier if everyone who was going to see my site and designs was a complete stranger. It’s almost as if being anonymous makes it okay to fail. That way, it’s some girl that failed. It’s not “my daughter failed” or “my wife failed” or “my sister failed.” It’s not me who failed. In truth, no one besides me would say I’ve failed. The others all expect it, so to them it’s just another thing that I tried for a while.

Rob is very understanding about my crushes. He’s even quick to point out when he thinks I have a crush on someone. It goes both ways, I guess. I always like to figure out which girls he thinks are attractive. Recently, he told me I had a crush on a friend of mine that I a met a couple of years ago. I was a little surprised at first because I didn’t think I had a crush on him. His reasoning was that I spoke about this friend of mine with a lot of enthusiasm. The more I think about it though, the more I think he’s wrong. It’s not that this particular guy isn’t attractive. It’s that my attraction to him is different than an ordinary crush.

When I was trying to think of a way to explain this to Rob, the best analogy I could come up with was that this guy was a celebrity and that I was his number one fan. It’s slightly less superficial than that since I actually know him, but it’s the same kind of feeling I guess. I get stupid around him, not in the giggly I-have-a-crush-on-you sorta way, but more in the Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-you’re-talking-to-ME kinda way, if that makes any sense at all. Imagine meeting your idol or a person for whom you have a lot of respect. Again, it’s a little different since I know him. Unlike a person who admires a celebrity idol from afar, I find myself seeking my friend’s approval.

So I guess the short answer is, no, I don’t have a crush on this guy. I can’t even say I know him well enough to think of him as a regular person. And since I act so star-struck and silly around him, there’s little chance of getting to know him as a real person anytime soon. That’s not to say it’s not possible. I’ve had one other friend who has been upgraded (or downgraded?) from idol to crush. So, it could happen.

Before I found Blogger, I knew some people who had blogs on LiveJournal. The stuff they wrote about was not only very personal, but frankly, pretty dull. They wrote about how misunderstood they were, their boyfriends and girlfriends, their other friends, their parties, how much they hated their parents, their feelings. I used to attribute these dramas to teen angst, though there are a few who are far beyond teenagers. My initial reaction to reading this stuff was, “Why would anyone write this stuff for everyone to see? Blogs are silly.” I was above blogging.

When I decided to create my website, the idea of blogging became appealing to me. I knew my entries would be different than the ones I’d read on LiveJournal and I’ve found lots of blogs on Blogger by people who are more like me. I guess I tend to think of Bloggers as a more mature crowd than the people on LiveJournal. I’ve since found a scant few blogs on LJ that are written by (gasps!) adults.

The main difference I’ve noticed between LiveJournal and Blogger is the frequency of their entries. While Bloggers post new entries 3-4 times a week, my LJ friends post new entries once every week or two. I guess it’s because the younger group only writes when they are miserable, and the older group only writes when life allows them a little extra time. Either way, the blogs I’ve found through Blogger have been much more interesting.

I spent a large part of my day yesterday working on photos of my jewelry. Yes, I’m finally getting off my butt and working on it. I’m having a very difficult time getting them the way I want though. When I posted the first pictures of my earrings, I took a quick picture with the digital camera, cropped, resized the image, fiddled with the brightness and contrast a bit, and published the image to my blog. With the exception of an unsightly shadow, the background disappeared and I was left with the earrings sorta floating on the page. I’ve removed the shadow since then and I used the image on my test page. I’m fairly happy with the results.

The new images that I worked on yesterday are not to my satisfaction. No matter what I try, I can’t seem to get the background to disappear like I did with the first earrings. It’s either some weird shade of white (meaning grey, brown, or blue) or it’s true white, but with the jewelry faded. As far as I can tell, I’m doing everything exactly the same as I did the first time, only now I’m trying to make the images look good, whereas before, I didn’t really care that much. There’s one last thing I can think of that might make a difference. I looked up the time and date stamp from when I transferred the original earrings. It was loaded at approximately 10:30 a.m., which leads me to believe the picture was taken with 10:00 a.m. lighting. If the sun cooperates tomorrow, I will be trying the morning sun for the pictures. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what else to try.

When I started my first business back in 1997, it came as little surprise to me that no one took it seriously. I mean, I have a history of being unable to commit to things for more than 3 months. I don’t think it was my history of quitting that kept people from believing in me though. I think it had something more to do with me personally. I’ve always felt that people don’t take me seriously. Perhaps I don’t take myself seriously, and my lack of self-confidence is clear to others. I don’t know.

I’m finding that this new business venture is taking a similar path. I’ve talked about all of this before, but I haven’t made any progress since then. In fact, I’ve been tempted to put quotes around the word business each time I’ve mentioned it here. I’m trying to tell myself that this jewelry thing is real. I filed my DBA. I have a sales tax license. I have a business checking account. I have the website. I’ve been building my inventory. I have a fax machine and a fax number. Today, I found a mailbox service that I will be using. I’ve even sold jewelry already! Lots of it! It seems like real business. Yet, I still have this feeling that this is all make believe.

I tried to be the jewelry designer who owned her own business today. When I talked to the girl about the mailbox service, I explained that I would be selling my jewelry over the internet and I needed a mailbox that would be large enough to handle small shipments such as returns. But I swear almost choked when I came to the words, “I make and sell jewelry.” I felt like such a liar. A fake. A phony. A fraud. Get it? I couldn’t do it. After I said those words, I quickly followed up with the explanation that I wasn’t really selling jewelry yet, but once I got the site ready, I would need a mailbox. I was also compelled to add that it was “just a small home-based business, just a hobby, really.” Ugh.

What does it take to move from the imagined to the real? I see people making their dreams a reality all around me, and I have so much respect for them. Why can’t I feel that way about myself?

Dear Kids,

Don’t be alarmed, the world isn’t coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about 30 minutes and will involve soap and water.

Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn’t, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I’ve got energy for. (Which reminds me, I’m all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

Don’t panic if I’m not out right on time. I’ve heard that people don’t dissolve in water and I’d like to test the theory. While I’m in the tub, I’d like you to remember a few things. The large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I promise that even though you can’t see me, I am on the other side. I’m not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago, I didn’t mean it.

Honest.

There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day. Later means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.

Believe it or not, shouting, “TELEPHONE!” through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you’ll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can’t send him to school with telephone-number tattoos.

Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of “nothing” and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I’m choosing not to answer you.

Don’t call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom. He didn’t appreciate it last time. He won’t appreciate it this time. Trust me.

No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can’t go to Dylan’s house to play. No, you can’t go to Dylan’s house to use the bathroom.

If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to “water” the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don’t feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don’t like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them.

Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.

Emergencies are:

1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother is bleeding.
3. There’s a red fire truck in front of our house.

Emergencies are not:

1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There’s a red pickup truck in front of our house.

One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when anything in the bathroom overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in the house. For my sanity’s sake, let’s pretend it was the tub, O.K.?

No, I don’t want to hear the real story.

Ever.

Especially not while I’m standing in the pool of water you missed.

(P.S. All Play-Doh experiments are canceled.)

Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.

I’ll be out soon. Maybe.

Love, Mom