I recently got an email from a guy who ended our friendship a couple years ago. If you asked what ended our friendship, he would say that I said some very hurtful things. I would say that he looked for hidden meanings in everything I said, and found what he wanted to find. No matter how hard I tried to explain that there were no hidden meanings behind my words, and no matter how hard I tried to edit my emails so he couldn’t find hidden meanings there, he insisted that my words were intentionally cruel and he was unwilling to keep me as a friend.

And now I have this friendly email from him. I’d like to respond in an equally friendly way. I’m wondering though, if I’m better off saying nothing and giving the impression that I don’t care, or if I should respond and hope that he won’t try to find hidden meanings in my words again. Maybe my response could start with a disclaimer, “Everything you are about to read here should be taken at face value. Any hidden meanings found within are purely a creation of your imagination.”

Maybe I have communication problems. One of the women who volunteers with me tends to take some of my emails very personally. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve asked friends to read my emails before I sent them to make sure there was nothing that could offend her. It’s recently gotten so bad that I send my thoughts directly to other people in hopes they’ll agree with me and disguise my thoughts as their own when they’re presented to her. I know I probably I worry too much about these things.

So, what do you think I should do about this friendly email? This guy is a real pro at finding hidden meanings that don’t exist. I could say, “It sounds like everything is going really well for you.” He would read that as, “It sounds like everything is going really well for you, but is it really?” Something as simple as “Good luck!” would be read as “Good luck. You’ll need it.” See what I mean? What would you do?

I had rehearsals for my new thing yesterday. The new thing, you may remember, is a student film being shot on my school’s campus. There’s a big difference between acting for the stage and acting for film. I hadn’t considered this when I went to the audition. The first thing I was asked was whether or not I had theatre experience. When I mentioned that I had a bit of experience on stage, I was told to forget everything I knew about acting on stage. It took a bit of getting used to, but I eventually got it.

During the audition last week, the director asked me to read for Sarah, the small part. I didn’t really mind that. The director had classmates and other friends who wanted to be part of it, so it made perfect sense to me that she’d put the unknown in the least important role. Sarah doesn’t have much to say, but she gets to stand around and watch the other girls talking. So, I would be seen, but not so much heard. Quiet and shy would be a stretch for me, but hey, I’m an actress now! I was up for the challenge.

Shi (the director) told me right away that I could have the part of Sarah if I wanted it. Of course I wanted it. We began rehearsals immediately following the audition. Some of the roles had been cast before the audition, so there were just a few of us there for the rehearsal. Since my part was small, I was asked to also read for the part of Grace, which is a considerably larger role. By the end of rehearsal, Shi told me I could have the role of Grace instead of Sarah if I wanted it. Of course I wanted it.

That brings us back to yesterday’s rehearsal. There are four female characters, Madison, Grace, Rachel, and Sarah. Of the four, only Madison was a sure thing. Madison seems to be the lead role, if there is one. The writer of the script chose to take that part, which left the other three up for grabs. I thought I was going to be Grace. I spent the week between rehearsals thinking like Grace. I dressed up a bit for rehearsal yesterday, just to get a feel for the character. I started off as Grace during rehearsal. But sometime during the day, Shi wanted to mix things up and I got to read for Madison. That was difficult because I was already thinking like Grace. I guess Shi didn’t notice I was struggling though because now, somehow, I have the part of Madison. She’s a very interesting character, so I’m pretty happy with it.

Maybe at next week’s rehearsal I’ll get to be the director.

I brought my finished bust home on Saturday. Introducing my medieval boy.

I have no idea where I’m going to put it. I don’t really want to display it anywhere downstairs. I may try to find a permanent space for it in my office, but it’s kinda freaky seeing a person sitting in here everytime I walk by. My lab keeps barking at it. The boys are amused by it though. It was dressed in a t-shirt and necklace this morning.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to the studio in time to glaze my big pot, so it’ll probably be a month or more before I get it home.

Last night was the final night of my show. It was the weakest night of the three, but I think it still went well. Today, the cast and crew met for brunch at a nice little cafe in Ann Arbor called Cafe Marie. It’s exactly the kind of menu and setup I’d love to have if I had a cafe of my own. I’m a little sad knowing I probably won’t see most of these women again. One of them is settting up a girl’s night out thing on Friday though, so I’m hoping that works out.

I was thinking about the different monologues last night, and I realized that my piece is one of my favorite funny ones. You may remember there were two other parts I had hoped to get. Mine is really the next best thing to having one of those two pieces. I was never really unhappy about it, but knowing it was my third favorite overall makes me feel even better about it. I also learned at brunch today that had Rita not gotten my favorite monologue, it would have gone to me. Considering I’m the one person on the cast who has no close ties to the theatre and communications department, that makes me feel pretty good. Don’t worry, I’m not getting a big head about this whole thing just yet.

I went to another audition on Friday before the show. Yeah, it looks like I’m hooked on this acting thing again. The audition was for a student film intended to be submitted to some film festival. I don’t really know all the details yet. I’ve never done a film before, so I’m pretty excited about this change of pace. I was told that acting for the stage and acting for film are very different. I guess it makes perfect sense when I think about it. Anyway, I got the part. I don’t have much to share about it yet, but I’ll let you know the details as I get them myself.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog, but with everything else going on, I haven’t been at the computer very much this week. I just happen to have some time today because I had to drive 50 minutes out of my way to deliver tickets for my show to my mom before class. I missed my first class, and my second doesn’t start until 12:30. I’ve broken up this entry into sections for ease of reading because it’s so darn long. You’re welcome.

Movie Day
Last week, I took the boys to see Aliens of the Deep. Not only was it an IMAX experience, but it was an IMAX 3-D experience. Woohoo! The boys wanted more creatures and less talking. We all enjoyed it though.

Vaginas
I learned that the word vagina causes quite a stir among women. It should come as no surprise to me considering it’s one of the subjects we discuss in the show. To promote the show, the producer wanted us to sell chocolate vaginas and lip balms called Pussy Pucker Pots. After the first week, we were asked to take down our tables because many women were complaining about our promotion. We were also forbidden from listing the school’s name on our t-shirts because some higher-up disliked the phrase “What would your vagina say?” that was written on the back.

I’m somewhat undecided about my feelings on this controversy. On one hand, I’m one of those women who is uncomfortable talking about sex and all its related parts in normal conversation. Promoting the show the way we are has been a bit difficult for me. I don’t really want to wear a t-shirt with the word vagina on it. I don’t want to sell chocolate vaginas or Pussy Pucker Pots. On the other hand, we are promoting a show called “The Vagina Monologues.” It’s pretty hard to promote a show when you’re not allowed to say the name. And what word would women prefer we use if they are so offended by the word vagina? We have a whole skit devoted to what we call it.

Blood Drive
I tried to give blood yesterday. Yes, I know it was stupid to try to squeeze the blood drive into my already hectic schedule this week, but I thought I could do it. What I completely forgot was the fact that I’m trying to get pregnant, which makes it unsafe for me to give blood. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that before. Fortunately, I remembered when I was filling out my form. I got to keep all my blood, and this month, we’re getting serious about getting pregnant. But more on that later.

Volunteering
Last November, my computer was hacked by a guy who has a grudge against me because of my volunteer job. I took steps to safeguard my computer against this sort of thing happening again. On Sunday night, I had trouble with one of my computers connecting to my network. I disabled the firewall for 30 minutes while I tried to resolve the problem. The same little jerk took that opportunity to get into my computer again. This time, he got access to my volunteer account and caused a lot of problems for everyone. It doesn’t look like we’re going to be unable to undo what was done. Needless to say, I feel horrible about the whole thing. I have a few commitments to projects that I need to finish up in the next few weeks, but I’m seriously considering leaving my job once I’m finished with everything. My thinking is this. If my presence is causing problems for this group, which I obviously care about or I wouldn’t be volunteering, then my presence is doing more harm than good. Or at the very best, all the good I contribute is being undone by the bad. Part of me is being stubborn. I think this guy would be happy to know I left because of something he did, and I don’t want to give him that satisfaction. Part of me is being selfish. I like what I do, and I don’t want to leave. I’m really too busy this week to give much thought to this problem right now though.

Between my show coming up next week, countless commitments I’ve made to my volunteer job this month, and my school work, my plate is full. Knowing this, one would think I would stop taking on new things. But no, I haven’t learned.

Some things just can’t be helped. Vet appointments, oil changes, the boys’ homework. I have an exam on Tuesday morning, and my textiles critique is on Tuesday afternoon. I planned on working on both my exam and my art project tomorrow during the day while the boys were at school. But then a call came for me to sub and I couldn’t turn it down.

My show is Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and dress rehearsal is on Tuesday and Wednesday. There’s a blood drive at school those same days. A smart person would have skipped donating this time around, but not me. I’m giving blood on Wednesday, an hour and a half before dress rehearsal.

There’s more, but I think you get the point. My schedule is so packed with stuff that I spend every minute in between checking the schedule to make sure I’m on schedule. But the truth is, I prefer this to being bored.

My current textiles project is a 500 square inch panel using the techniques I learned in my smaller studies. The design can be whatever I choose, as long as it is not a continuous pattern. My dimensions are 26×20 and I chose to simulate a photograph.

This is the original photograph.

This is my partially completed project.

This is my project touched up in Photoshop to give me (and you!) an idea what it will look like when completed.

Now that I’m looking at the original photograph again, I definitely see some areas that I can improve.