I’m still in my creative funk. I’ve been working on a few things that seem to lessen the frustration, but I still haven’t found the it that I need. Having tried a few different things, I’m beginning to understand that the feeling is not only a search for a way to communicate, but a search for a new way to communicate.

I’m not necessarily looking for a brand new form of expression that’s never been tried before. Nor am I speaking of exploring something simply because it is new to me. I’m looking for that special thing which is mine. My Art. A technique, an application, a medium. Something distinctive. A niche, perhaps.

I wish I knew if such a thing exists for me. And if it does, will I ever find it?

I dare anyone to tell me that working as an artist, in one way or another, is not my true calling. It took me decades to realize it, but now that I know, I’ll never let it go. I’m supposed to make stuff.

I’ve said it before. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of girl. Just yesterday, I was debating whether I could manage building a deck this summer. I’m still working on an answer to that one. But, while I enjoy working with my hands, sometimes it doesn’t satisfy my need to create. Sometimes I feel a great need to express myself artistically beyond the physical part of creation. Today is one of those days.

I’ve struggled with this feeling my entire life. As a kid, I couldn’t explain the feeling beyond the words, “I want to make something.” I wasn’t always able to work with my hands, but my frequent retreats to my imaginary world helped the feeling pass.

Soon after imaginary play faded from my life, I found that the feeling to create became more difficult to manage. Not surprisingly, it was around this same time I went through many bouts of depression. This continued until several years ago when I found a way to alleviate the creative pangs. It’s no coincidence that this was when imaginary play returned to my life.

These episodes don’t occur daily, but they can last for severals days at a time. And when they strike, they consume me. I have all these projects sitting here, and I can’t make myself work on them. None of them are creative expressions. None of them let me communicate.

So for now, I’ll just sit here nibbling on a handful of chocolates while I feel sorry for myself. Then, of course, later tonight I’ll feel sorry for myself for eating the chocolates less than three weeks before our Florida wedding trip.

The site is progressing nicely. I spent the better part of the evening writing product descriptions for several of my designs. I have six finished, though I may go back and rework a few words when I read them again tomorrow.

The name and description for my newest necklace came to me pretty easily. I wish I could say the same for some of the other designs that are still stumping me. I’ve been calling a certain pair of earrings Earring7 for so long, that I can’t get that name out of my head. And really, it’s not a good name.

Always searching for the silver lining, I’ve added “Name This Design” to my list of ways to promote my site.

And now I’m suddenly so tired, I can’t finish any other thoughts I had about this entry.

I really wanted to go on the Art in Paris trip with my school this summer. But, I’m not going, and that’s fine.

So why is it every time i get the trip out of my head, I get an email from the department head telling me that the deadline has been extended again, and that if I still want to go, they have a place for me? The God of Trips to Paris is torturing me, that’s why.

Every day I find I’m challenged with some new aspect of launching my jewelry website. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows it’s been a long and slow journey. This past February, I took a deep breath and promised myself that I would finally get serious about it. And I did.

When I look at my list of things to do, I feel pretty satisfied with my progress so far. Each time I move down the list, I think the next thing will hold me back. Then I surprise myself and manage to do just fine.

Website design? Check.
Website coding? Check.
Hangtag redesign and rewrite? Check.
Photos and editing? Check.
Product descriptions? In progress.

The one thing on my list in big capital letters is MAKE MORE JEWELRY. A few weeks ago, this one had me in a panic. Here I am, having a site built, and I have three pairs of earrings and three necklaces. I was a little afraid this step, this most important step of all, would be the one to hold me back. Oh, I’ve made a few new pieces these past few weeks, but it is still pathetically low. Or so I thought. I rechecked my inventory and I am pleased to find that I have TEN earrings designs, and SEVEN necklaces. How that happened, I do not know. I also have a killer bracelet in the works. My product line is still much smaller than I want to be of course, but I think it’s a respectable beginning.

I took ten pairs of earrings to the bridal shower yesterday. They were among the prizes we were giving away to the guests. We had more prizes than we needed, so there were some left over, but I’m happy that all the earrings were taken. Only, I don’t know who got which pair. I can only account for four pairs. I don’t really need to know where the other earrings are, I guess. I just really wish I knew where my babies went. I know it sounds stupid, but I want to know that they’re being treated well.

I feel the same way about the dolphin pin that was auctioned off at the school fundraiser. I just want to know where it is. Is that asking too much?

I think I need to add some verbage to my site to entice people to let me know they have my jewelry. I already offer incentives like birthday coupons, replacement anti-tarnish strips every six months, and polishing cloths as gifts for my customers. Now I just need a way to encourage people who haven’t gotten jewelry from the site to visit the site and sign up. I need like a… jewelry registration or something. I need to let this idea brew in my head for a bit, I think.

I have to admit that I am pretty pleased with my level of productivity these past few days. I finally just made myself tackle the projects I didn’t want to do, and for the most part, it’s been smooth sailing. The bridal shower stuff is mostly done. I have a few last minute details to tackle, but they’re easy things.

My website progress is coming along nicely too. I’ve FINALLY gotten photos for some of my pieces and I have about a dozen or so uploaded to the new site already. I still really dislike taking the photos, but editing them has proven to be more enjoyable than I imagined. I also took some time to build a few spreadsheets to help me better manage my inventory and pricing structure.

I still have to price a few of my more labor-intensive pieces. That’s proving to be a bit difficult. Since I usually create as I go rather than working from a plan, I often spend a lot more time on the prototype than I would on subsequent pieces. I’ll have to recreate these pieces to get an accurate cost, and right now, I just don’t have the time. I may just work on some of my newer ideas that aren’t as labor-intensive and get them up on the site before I tackle recreating the others.

In case you’re trying to view the new site, it’s been moved to a separate directory for testing. Hopefully, it’ll be functional again within a week or two.

Bride - Bridezilla
Maid of Honor - Mohzilla
Bridesmaid - Bimzilla
Mother of the Bride - Mobzilla

Recently, I found someone to take my website and make all the shop stuff work. I’ve hesitated to talk about the fabulous work she’s doing for me because the last company I hired started out great and soured toward the end. But a certain event today has left me amazed at her thoroughness once again, and I really feel I should brag about finding such a dedicated professional.

Janeth of PolarDuality has been amazing. For starters, she spent some time learning about a shopping cart I wanted to use, but with which she had no experience. Once she figured it out, she jumped right in. Not only is she an expert with all this stupid geeky code, but she’s been incredibly patient answering my dumb questions.

But today’s event takes the cake. After a couple weeks of work, the site was nearing completion. There were only a few minor adjustments to be made, but the big stuff was done. Today, Janeth learned there was a new version of my software available. Without a thought, she installed the new software and once again began the process of making the modifications. She told me this should resolve one of the issues I was having with the software.

Simply amazing.

My mom was a little worried about the shower plans this past weekend. She’s worried because I have a lot to do, and I haven’t started any of it. She tells me I am a procrastinator. I don’t like that word though. Procrastinator. It sounds so negative.

When I denied that I am a procrastinator, my mom asked why I didn’t have certain things done already. I told her it wasn’t time to do them yet. I can’t do them until it’s time. She’s insisted that I can. But I can’t. I don’t procrastinate out of laziness. Really. I just choose to do things when I think the time is right.

Maybe I’m not a procrastinator. Maybe everyone else is just impatient. Yeah. Everyone else is in a hurry to get things done. Hurry, hurry, hurry. I am patient.

Maybe I just enjoy life better than everyone else. That’s it. I take time to smell the roses. Okay, and maybe sometimes I sit on my ass all day long to watch the roses grow.