about me
Practically imperfect in every way. Start with a lot of silliness. Mix in some insecurities and a handful of awkwardness. Add a pound of naivety, innocence, and child-like wonderings. Blend well. Half-bake and top off with a sprinkle of imagination and dollop of dreams. It’s the recipe for me!
(more...)just play
quote of the day
- "Moral of the story: Do not look at the gap. The gap is the mind-killer. Remember how Wile E. Coyote never fell down until he saw the chasm? It’s just like that." --Taylor "Tei" Lindstrom, Rogue Ink
dumbass quote
- "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps. And I believe that our education like, such as South Africa, and, the Iraq, everywhere like such as. And I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children." --Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen 2007
kids say...
- Jacob: "I need to operate on my frog, but first he needs some amnesia."
copyright
Copyright © 2004-2006 Kerrie Lee. All rights reserved.
Every time I sit down to put the words here on my blog, I get a sick feeling in my stomach and can’t continue. But time isn’t making it any easier. I should first start out by saying that the story has a happy ending. It’s the happy ending that makes it that much more difficult to understand why I’m feeling the way I am.
On the afternoon of Friday, September 1, Brendan was riding his bike without wearing his helmet and for reasons unknown to us veered out into the main street of our subdivision. My boys don’t ride along that street normally, and he would have no reason to cross to the other side of the street. As far as we can tell, the sidewalk was blocked by our neighbor’s boat as he packed it to leave for the long weekend and Brendan rode out into the street to get around it. The driver of the oncoming SUV was over the speed limit, which is typical of drivers who cut through our sub. I’ve also been told he had his eyes on my neighbor’s boat just moments before colliding with my son.
We’ve been told that Brendan was thrown 20-25 ft. before landing unconscious in front of the car. Rob had been riding with Brendan and had just put his bike away. I had just gotten home from the gym and was heading upstairs to take a shower when I heard the tires screech and the crash. My neighbor yelled, and I ran outside. My immediate thought was that a car had hit another car backing out of the driveway and that the men involved were going to fight about it. As soon as I got outside, I saw Rob running and heard another neighbor calling our names. I looked for children immediately. The other children were playing in our collective backyards, so I never really believed it was a child in the road.
And then I saw the image that I will never forget. My son, in the road, unconscious. His bike mangled beneath the SUV. Brendan was unconscious with his back to me. There was a lot of blood. I found his pulse and was somewhat relieved. Eventually, he started moaning, then talking, and then started struggling to get up. I guess that was a good thing.
He was taken by ambulance to the trauma center and shortly after transferred to another hospital that specializes in pediatrics. He was admitted to the pediatric ICU for three days before being released with five stitches in his head, several abrasions, permission to return to his normal activities, and orders to wear his helmet the next time he gets on his bike. The accident has had a positive impact on the neighborhood and the community. Everyone in the neighborhood is now wearing helmets when they bike or skate. I’ve been told that the city has ordered stop signs to be placed at our corner–something we’ve been asking our builder for for years. I’ve also been told that our builder may be fined for failing to install the stop signs earlier. The police have increased their daily patrols of our neighborhood to control the thru-traffic.
We’re very lucky. It’s over and it appears there will be no lasting effects from the accident. Brendan’s as well as could be. A week after the accident, his scars have almost completely healed. He has no recollection of the accident and shows no stress of any kind. I, however, am not handling things quite as well as he is. When I’m around other people, I’m fine. When I’m alone, my mood varies from severely depressed to numbness. I’ve lost all interest in the things I used to do for enjoyment. I don’t care about books or games or the computer. I have no interest in making art or jewelry. My classes have been more of a chore than a place to learn, and I find myself distracted and preoccupied with the accident. I can’t sleep alone. I want to quit everything–school, work, tae kwon do, jewelry making, and the blog. Yet, everything is fine. He’s healthy and safe. And I’m being completely irrational.
In a way, I feel like I deserve to suffer like this. Afterall, I’m sure more than one person who has learned of our story will wonder “where the hell was the boy’s mother?†and “why was he allowed to ride without a helmet?†and “wasn’t he taught to stay out of the street?†Most people have been very understanding.
Some people tell me my feelings are normal. But no one has given me assurance that they’ll eventually fade and let me get back to a normal life. A week out of the hospital with my boy running around like nothing happened hasn’t helped me ease back into a comfortable place. I don’t want to be constantly afraid for them. I don’t want to hover at the phone waiting for a call from their school about an accident. I don’t want to continue to require them to stay within arm’s reach when they’re home. I don’t want to be tempted to keep them home from school every single day just so I can hug them and keep them safe.
I’ll never be rid of the images I replay over and over about the accident, and I don’t expect to be. But I would like to have some control over the images that are currently controlling my life.
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about this blog
It’s the spark of an idea that hits me unexpectedly. It’s the silly wonderings I have after a whirlwind of thoughts. It’s about creativity, inspiration, and imagination. But sometimes, it’s just about eating noodles.
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