I should start naming my multiple personalities so people know which one is speaking.

Farmer and Mommy were talking about chickens and babies when Scholar interrupted and brought up the notion of going back to school in pursuit of a Master’s degree. Meanwhile, Kerrie stood by silently listening for the loudest voice. Since Farmer and Mommy had been having their discussion for a while, their voices were tiring. Scholar, however, had not spoken in a very long time, and so her voice was strong and easily heard above the others.

As usual, Kerrie (who apparently has no voice of her own) felt herself being persuaded by the loudest voice. The voice of Reason tried to make Kerrie realize that the uncertainty of Rob’s job and the possibility of a move should outweigh not only the voice of Scholar, but also those of Farmer and Mommy. But Mania, disguised as Reason, sided with Scholar and their combined voices drowned out everyone else.

Kerrie felt overwhelmed and decided to wait for an outside voice to come to her rescue.

…to be continued.

Thank you to everyone who responded* to my last entry with well wishes for my family. It took a little over two weeks for me to get back to a more normal me, though I feel the experience has changed me forever. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic, but I feel like I’ve aged, or that I’ve lost years off my life. I’ve stopped reliving the accident in my head, and I’m not in constant fear for the boys’ safety when they’re away from me. But when I’m alone, there’s still a sort of numbness and somberness hanging over me, but it’s bearable.

I’ve taken a part time job at the boys’ school as the primary caretaker of between 40-65 kids during extended carpool. Surprisingly, the experience has been much different than the experience I’ve had as a substitute teacher. I’m finding relationship building with the kids to be very rewarding. I’ve also joined the Parent Council as a representative for Brendan’s classroom. Rob is a rep for Jacob’s classroom, so that basically means I get to do both. I’ve volunteered to help in the front office after morning carpool as well, in hopes that it will eventually lead to bigger and better things.

The vocational school training was very disappointing and a big waste of my time. I’d still like to get the training, but this particular program in its current form will never be a good fit for me. I’d like to believe that Brendan’s accident had no influence on my decision to withdraw from the program, but I think the timing alone may have been an influence. I was forced to be away from him to work on mindless tasks before I was ready to leave him at all. I thought I was ready to pursue a real career, but for now I’m more than content being a part timer at the boys’ school.

So, yeah. Life goes on.

* Genius that I am, I deleted my previous entry while trying to delete an old draft. I had it cached, and so was able to rewrite it, but the comments all went bye-bye. BUT I did read them, and I THANK YOU ALL (Lilie, Oz, mike, Amber, ker_thwap) for them.

I always get the blahs in August. I suspect it’s some combination of too much hot weather, too much boredom, and the changing sun angles. Or maybe Rob’s right and I’m just cracked in the head.

Gym
I’ve been going to the gym three times a week and working out for 1.5 hours consistently for three and a half months now, yet I’m not shrinking. It seems unfair that I can shrink without trying, but when I try to shrink, nothing happens. Still, I am making good progress toward my black belt.

School Supplies
I whittled down the boys’ school supply list a little today. Today’s trip consisted of two pairs of white soled gym shoes (to be worn only indoors in the school’s new gym), and two USB flash drives. Total cost? Nearly $100.

I also ordered them new lunch boxes online from Land’s End. For anyone who has kids who are rough on their clothes, shoes, and backpacks, I would definitely recommend Land’s End. Their prices aren’t cheap, but their stuff really lasts. The boys are required to wear navy blue pants as part of their school uniform. I picked up a few pairs for $9-12 last year. I also bought a couple pairs from Land’s End for $25ish each. The inexpensive pants had torn knees after TWO wearings. The Land’s End pants lasted the entire school year and still show no signs of wear other than a barely noticeable lighter area around the knee. I wouldn’t be surprised if they lasted another entire year.

I also learned that backpacks, coats, gloves, snowpants, shoes, and boots from Land’s End end up being a huge bargain in the long run. We’re going to see if their lunchboxes will last an entire school year this time around.

Still on the list? Twelve folders, more pants, new shirts, new shoes, new winter coats.

September Schedule
I go back to school on Sept. 5. I’m also going to go back to substitute teaching twice a week. All these school supplies aren’t cheap! So I’ll be at the gym MWF mornings, sub-teaching on TTh days, and go to class at night M-F. I can’t remember the last time I had such a full schedule, and I’m pretty excited about it. Give it a month or two and I’m sure I’ll be complaining about having too little free time.

The Big Secret New Career Path
It’s not a big secret, it’s just taking me some time to get used to the idea. I’m not quite used to it yet, but the more I hear myself say it (and type it) the easier it gets. So, the big plan starts with the small step in September when I will be taking classes at a vocational school for training as a medical assistant. From there, I hope to get a job within the University of Michigan medical system. They have tuition reimbursement/assistance for their employees. From there, I would like to get into the nursing program.

Never, in my entire life, have I considered a career in nursing. Medicine, yes. But not nursing. For whatever reason, I’ve always had this negative image in my head about nursing. But I’ve talked to a few people and done a little more research, and it seems that nursing may be something I would very much enjoy. But, since my whims seem to change annually, I know that at the very least, I’ll have a very marketable skill when I finish the medical assistant program.

I really wanted to go on the Art in Paris trip with my school this summer. But, I’m not going, and that’s fine.

So why is it every time i get the trip out of my head, I get an email from the department head telling me that the deadline has been extended again, and that if I still want to go, they have a place for me? The God of Trips to Paris is torturing me, that’s why.

On Friday, two days after I finished my THIRD round of antibiotics for strep throat, my throat started feeling scratchy again. I, being the silver-lining type of girl I am, was happy to get my symptoms on a Friday for once. The past three episodes occured on Sunday, forcing me to visit the questionable care providers at the local Urgent Care center. This time, I was able to make an appointment with my own doctor, or at least, another doctor in the same office.

Sure enough, I tested positive for strep throat during my Saturday morning appointment. This fourth time has me on a new, more expensive antibiotic. By more expensive, I mean that my copay was $40 as opposed to the normal $10. That brings our grand total for strep throat treatments this year up to $210. That’s like 84 gallons of gas, or one student loan payment, or an entire set of sparring gear for the boys’ tae kwon do, or a very nice dent in my Christmas shopping list. I have a follow-up appointment just after I finish this round of antibiotics, which will probably bring the total up a bit more.

If it doesn’t work this time, I may be waking up to strep throat again Christmas day. Thanks, Santa.

I just finished my antibiotics for my second round of strep throat on Wednesday. Today, I started my new antibiotic for… strep throat. For those of you keeping score, this makes three times in four weeks I’ve gotten strep throat. It may be time to call a specialist.

Jacob and I just finished our antibiotics for strep throat on Tuesday. Friday, Jacob started a new antibiotic because the strep throat returned (or was never really gone.) Today, I started my new antibiotic. I know I’m contagious, but I’m going to school tomorrow anyway.

I don’t often feel overwhelmed with mommy stuff, but I have a feeling this week is the beginning of things to come. Monday is now Math Pentathlon day at the boys’ school. Tuesday and Wednesday are Tae Kwon Do days. Thursday is piano lesson day. And Fridays are always half days. I should consider myself lucky that my boys are the same age and are involved in the same activities. I don’t know how mothers with children in lots of different activities manage it all.

It happens about this time every year. I feel a bit blah for no reason whatsoever. Maybe it’s seasonal, or maybe it has to do with going back to school. I dunno, but I don’t feel like doing much. As long as I’m busy, things seem to go pretty well. Installing the floor helped. But since then, I’ve done nothing. And I don’t really feel like doing anything. I’m not really even looking forward to school yet.

I know that in a few weeks I’ll be back to school wishing for a few moments to do nothing.

I was always pretty happy with my body before the boys were born. I wasn’t like a supermodel or anything, but I didn’t have any complaints. After they were born, it took me a very long time to get back to what I consider my normal size. Actually, last summer was the closest I got to normal, and I was still a couple inches larger than I would have liked. I don’t obsess about it or anything, but it felt good to be near normal again.

In the past year, I’ve gotten a little chunky again. I figured it wasn’t a big deal since I was trying to get pregnant anyway. Anyone who knows me knows that my future plans are always changing, so it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise that we’re back to not trying to get pregnant again. At least for a few years. We’ll see what happens then.

So here I am, a little heavier than I’d like to be, but without the excuse. I wouldn’t dwell on it so much if my clothes didn’t remind me about it every single day. Then there are my helpful children who keep showing me ads on television for diet pills. “You should get that, Mom, so you won’t be fat anymore.” Add to it that my hair is at that awkward growing out phase, and it’s easy to see why I’m feeling so completely frumpy lately. I love being a mom, but I really, really hate looking like one.