Lots of ideas in my head. Lots. Working on a lot of different projects all at once. I’ve knitted and/or crocheted many hats, scarves, and bags. I’m reworking the triptych for the space above our fireplace. It looks like it’s going to work this time. I made a 14k gold bracelet that was supposed to be a cuff, but ended up more like a bangle. I’ve changed the clasp for it twice, but I’m not sure it’s good enough just yet. I’m still working on the thinking part of writing. I even wrote a little. I have more project ideas simmering, from knitting/crochet to jewelry to sculpture. Right now, I need to focus on my holiday projects. Unfortunately, those are the ideas I don’t have yet.

I’m thinking about teaching a class. The local community ed program is always looking for people to teach different workshops. I have tons of art/craft knowledge and experience, so it’s about time I put some of it to more use than entertaining myself. My biggest challenge will be (not surprisingly) believing in myself. Ugh, that sounds so pitiful. I’m not trying to sound pitiful. But really, knowing I have no resume worthy skills is a confidence killer for me. I’m working on it.

Our Halloween costumes turned out differently than I expected. Instead of my original plan, we did this. I think they’re pretty cool.

I’ve been working on many projects the past few weeks. Using polymer clay, I made a dragon’s head (which will be used in another project) and a Pierrot inspired circus doll. In yarn, I crocheted several washcloths, two and a half hats, and a shrug (which I’ll probably never wear.) In fabric, I’ve started the boys’ Halloween costumes. For my home, I’ve built three wood frames to display a textile triptych which will replace my ugly experimental painting that is currently hanging above my fireplace. (I need to get a new blade for my miter saw before I can finish it.)

One more thing I’m working on right now is a type of creative outlet I’ve never really tried. It’s creative writing. I feel a little sheepish admitting that I’m writing for some reason. I feel like I need to say more about this, but I need some time to reflect first.

On an unrelated note, Rob has accepted a job that allows us to stay in Michigan. Huzzah!

I have a long list of projects I want to try, but they’re going to have to wait a bit. August is usually my worst month for feeling creative or energetic. We’re going to be very busy for the next few weeks though, so hopefully I’ll skip right over my August Blahs this year. Then, I can jump into some of these projects I’m aching to try.

The list so far includes knitting, sculpting, screen printing, a paper craft, and three sewing projects. And at some point I need to return to the ceramics studio and finish glazing one last piece. It’s a good thing the boys aren’t returning to school in September. We wouldn’t be ready!

My creative energy seems to come in ebbs and flows. All my energy seems to ebb and flow, for that matter. Right now, I’m at a peak and I’m practically exploding with ideas. Anyone who reads my blog regularly can attest to that. I worry that continuing at this pace will result in burn out. Then again, I’m afraid curbing my enthusiasm will destroy my momentum.

For now, I’m going to ride the wave. I’ve always felt my best when I’m busy, while stagnation only leads to more stagnation. I do believe we all need to take time to slow down and smell the roses. However, I also believe that roses aren’t the only things in the garden worth enjoying.

I just had an epiphany. Those who rise to the top of their fields are not necessarily the best at what they do. To me, this is… well, HUGE.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve believed that I didn’t have enough talent to succeed. I’m not the best. I think it’s this belief that’s held me back from really pursuing anything seriously. There was always someone I felt was better, and thus, more deserving. But, when I look around at successful artists (actors, musicians, writers, artists) I see many examples of people who are mediocre. Perhaps I need to re-examine my goals. Certainly, I strive for a lot more than mediocrity. But knowing I am not the best shouldn’t keep me from my pursuit.

Now if I can just get the idea to stick in my head, I’ll be okay.

We moved my office/studio to the basement. I’m still not sure how I feel about it (good news: more room, bad news: I’m in the basement.) But the newness has inspired me to try another new blog design. I’ve been working on it for the past few days, and I’m getting ready to install it as we speak. It’s my first time building a blog from scratch, so I have my fingers crossed that things will work correctly. Expect some minor glitches and adjustments over the next week or so.

Now that I’ve mostly recovered from what felt like an abysmal failure in my ceramics class last semester, I’m feeling slightly creative again. But as usual, I’m not sure where to direct this energy. I think I feel like knitting. I’ve been wanting to tackle knitting a pair of socks for a while now. If I started now, I could have them finished by winter.

I really want to give handmade gifts for Christmas this year. The idea has always appealed to me, but somehow I never find enough ideas for everyone. Maybe knitted socks is a good place to start. I think even my dad (the world’s most difficult person to buy for) could appreciate socks. Our family in Florida might not have much use for socks though.

I’ve never tried carving wood. I would love to make myself a set of wooden spoons. I think a set of handcrafted wooden spoons would be a great gift. I’m not sure everyone in my family would agree. I suppose I should figure out how to make them before I settle on spoons as a gift idea.

I’ve also been wanting to work with polymer clay. I just don’t have a specific project. I think that’s the problem with most of my ideas. I know the medium I want to try, but I rarely have a specific project in mind. But right now, I’m thinking spoons and socks. Yep.

So far, my attempts to dispel my current case of the blahs haven’t been working. I’ve always been able to rely on my mood being lifted by things like good weather, being active, eating well, and taking up new projects. Not so this time. I may need to resort to drastic measures (whatever those might be) to get my mood back to its jovial self again. I really think my blah mood is only apparent to others when I make it apparent. I’m not sure even those who know me well would be able to see the inside themselves.

In other news…

I made two loaves of wheat bread last night. They turned out great, though they are a smidge smaller than I would have liked. I underestimated my ability to knead dough for the required 20-30 minutes, so I probably only managed about 15 minutes before I pooped out. I’m aiming for larger, fluffier loaves next time.

I started using some of my crappy pottery. They’re ugly, but most of them function well. It’s a small consolation for not having any portfolio-worthy pieces. I think I’d like to try to make some terra cotta bread pans. There’s something very appealing to me about the idea of baking my own bread in my own bread pans.

This past week has been sort of blah. It started with me being oversensitive about not being taken seriously again. Why is that so often an issue with me? I realize I have a tendency to change my direction or get crazy ideas often, but sometimes it would be nice if people would not roll their eyes and make jokes about my latest pursuit. At least I’m good for a laugh, huh?

Monday was my last day of class. I’m unhappy about the way it ended. All of my stuff is crap. PURE CRAP. I have zero pieces I can use for my portfolio. Then again, I still don’t know whether I’m going to apply to the graduate program without knowing more about the whens and wheres of our eventual relocation, so a portfolio may not be necessary. Still, it would have been nice knowing my $1000 tuition went to something more important than entertaining me for seven weeks.

I’ve lost sight of what my purpose is more than once this week. The things I do and the things I want to do seem pointless. Without a little support or a little success, the “pursuit of happiness” seems futile.

Since taking a required drawing class a few years ago, I’ve been terrified of drawing. I started a nature journal last November hoping to use it as a “safe” place to practice drawing, but it hasn’t worked. And though the journal is for my eyes only, I continue to tear out page after page of unsatisfactory drawings.

I’ve always struggled with drawing. Whenever I work on a project that requires drawing, I usually end up photocopying and tracing. I even struggle with non-representational and abstract drawing. Sure, it looks easy. But for me at least, it’s not. It’s probably why I’ve always drifted toward making three dimensional art.

I know my increasing fear of drawing is hampering my growth as an artist. When a pottery assignment requires a “drawn” surface treatment, I either skip the assignment, or conveniently run out of time halfway through an assignment. (There’s a lot of flexibility with projects in my ceramics classes, so having a few incomplete pieces isn’t unusual.)

One of my goals for this summer is to lessen my fear of drawing before my ceramics class begins this fall. I’m enrolling in a graduate level class to build my portfolio so I can apply to the graduate program before the February deadline. I don’t want a fear of something as fundamental as drawing to get in my way.