I should start naming my multiple personalities so people know which one is speaking.

Farmer and Mommy were talking about chickens and babies when Scholar interrupted and brought up the notion of going back to school in pursuit of a Master’s degree. Meanwhile, Kerrie stood by silently listening for the loudest voice. Since Farmer and Mommy had been having their discussion for a while, their voices were tiring. Scholar, however, had not spoken in a very long time, and so her voice was strong and easily heard above the others.

As usual, Kerrie (who apparently has no voice of her own) felt herself being persuaded by the loudest voice. The voice of Reason tried to make Kerrie realize that the uncertainty of Rob’s job and the possibility of a move should outweigh not only the voice of Scholar, but also those of Farmer and Mommy. But Mania, disguised as Reason, sided with Scholar and their combined voices drowned out everyone else.

Kerrie felt overwhelmed and decided to wait for an outside voice to come to her rescue.

…to be continued.

After the boys successfully emptied a basket full of shredded paper into a trash container twice, I decided to show them a better way.

Step 1: Place empty bag over the top of the shred basket.

Step 2: Turn basket over, being careful to hold the bag around the edges.

Step 3: Carefullylessly lift the basket out of the bag.

Step 4: Watch as shredded paper pours out onto the floor.

Step 5: Ignore the smug laughter of twin boys as you get out the Shop-Vac to clean up the mess.

I need to have some lab work done today. I’m not allowed caffeine for 24 hours before the test. That’s easy enough. I also can’t eat for four hours prior to the test. That’s not so easy. I think I’ve mentioned at least once before that the most difficult part about any medical procedure is when they restrict my food intake. I don’t necessarily eat a lot, but I like to eat when I WANT TO EAT.

Today is especially difficult. I went to the gym for an hour and a half at 10:00 a.m. I had a good breakfast before 9:00 and a snack at 10:00. Class ends at 11:30, but I’m allowed no food or drink after 11:00. It’s just after 1:00 now, and my stomach is complaining. Loudly.

I wonder if my test will be skewed after I pass out from low blood sugar.

We had a gift card to Home Depot that we were saving for a special purchase. We didn’t know what that special purchase would be, but we knew we didn’t want to spend it on the normal stuff. Through the month of May, I did some research on the Roomba iRobot vacuum cleaner and decided I wanted to get one. As luck would have it, Home Depot carried one model, which was on sale during our visit on May 31. We wasted no time in pulling out the gift card and using it for this item of luxury.

I plugged it in and began charging the battery as soon as we got home. Then we had my parents over for the holiday, so we didn’t get a chance to try the little guy out until after dark. Just before I sent the boys to bed, I turned on my Roomba and waited. The little fella wirred and hummed and spun in a circle. And that’s it. After several attempts to “fix” it, I gave up and decided to call the company in the morning.

So I called the Roomba customer service center and explained the problem. They quickly diagnosed it as a software problem, and would send me a gadget called Osmo so I could update the software. Until then, I would have to wait to try out the Roomba.

Nearly two weeks later, the Osmo arrived. I followed the directions, but Genius Woman forgot one important step. The Roomba was supposed to have a fully charged battery before the update. My battery was next to dead. Once again, I contacted customer service and explained my situation. And once again they diagnosed it quickly. The Osmo couldn’t complete the update because the battery wasn’t charged. But the battery could no longer charge since the Osmo had already started its update. They would send me a fully charged battery to use to complete the software update.

It’s June 27, and I still haven’t gotten my battery. And of course that means we’re going on 28 days that I haven’t been able to try out my Roomba. I expect to get the battery tomorrow, now that I’ve written about what a dummy I am.