Who Made Up These Rules Anyway?

We were watching some countdown of sexiest celebrity bodies on television the other day. One of the top picks was this group of men who pose nude for some publication or another. Understandably, certain parts of the men were blurred out. I was a little surprised when they blurred out their naked butts though. Had it been a woman in a thong bikini, I think there’s a good chance the butt wouldn’t have been blurred.

So what makes a butt offensive? Is it the cheek or the crack? We see cheeks peeking out under women’s (and sometimes men’s) bathing suit bottoms. We see lots of cheek in lingerie commercials. Cheek does not get censored. We see cracks portrayed humorously on popular television shows. (Hello, plumbers!) Sometimes, we even get a glimpse of cracks on women who wear thong panties up above the waistline of their jeans. So cracks do not get censored either. Is it the combination of cheek and crack then? I don’t really know. Thong bikini bottoms leave little to the imagination. Some of them are so teensy-weensy that we see both cheek and crack, with a miniscule triangular shape of colored cloth pointing straight down the crack. (Not a pretty picture when I put it that way, is it?) I have noticed that if they (TV) are showing a woman in a thong, it’s almost always a thong bikini rather than thong panties. So maybe it’s not what we see, but how we perceive it? Clothed versus un-clothed.

So what about breasts? Is it the round shape or the nipple that’s offensive? It’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to show the entire breast as long as the nipple is covered. But men can show nipple. So really it’s just women’s breasts that are offensive, right? And yet, we’re so obsessed with them. It’s like the forbidden fruit. Though, I can’t see women becoming obsessed with men’s breasts if they were covered up all the time.

What I’ve learned.

1. Showing your butt is fine, as long as it looks like you TRIED to cover it up.
2. You don’t have to look like you tried to cover it up if you are showing your butt in the name of advertising.
3. Men can show nipples, but women must not show nipples. (Unless you’re Janet Jackson, in which case we’ll forgive you if it looks like you tried to cover it up.)
4. Women who are breastfeeding are excused from covering their nipples. (Sorry, Courtney Love. The exception is only for women breastfeeding BABIES.)
5. Nude people in the form of statues and paintings will probably not be censored and may be labeled art.
6. Nude people in film or photography will probably be censored and may be labeled pornography.
7. Sitting on the toilet, even if you show nothing, is still controversial.
8. This is one messed up, crazy world we live in.